First Off

Dear Arby,

It is so hard to express the true emotions I have inside. All of which are conflicting and confusing.

On the one hand, I am thank God I met you. On the other are regrets. You made me discover a part in me I thought was never there. But you also killed the person I used to be.

You came into my life when I was just coasting along, content with my mediocre life while making grand plans for the future. It may be a cliche or an oft-quoted line from a song but I truly didn't know that I was looking for love when I found you.

I had resigned myself to a life where I would be alone, taking care of myself and my needs, self-sufficient, needing no one, relying on no one. Past experiences had taught me to run away from love or any semblance of it. I had seen too many examples of promises of forever that were broken at the first available opportunity. I have had the love I offered thrown back at my face. I have had someone I cared deeply about walk out on me when things appeared to be perfect. I have had promises made to me that were broken.

I found the pain too much to bear. The microscopic happiness I derived from the encounter did not justify the pain and the aggravation.

Then you came into my life.

Unlike in the past when I was immediately blown away by the power of the emotion of the moment, you grew on me slowly but surely. I woke up one day to the realization that I was deeply, irrevocably, and irreparably in love with you. It was a wonder of wonders to find out that you felt the same way for me. I felt blessed. I felt special. I felt precious.

Here, at last was a man of worth. A man of principle. A man of so many varied talents and interests. A man who stimulated my brain and made my heart beat again. A man who made me laugh and derive so much pleasure from a glance, from a smile, from the little things I took for granted in life.

You were in many ways just like a knight in shining armor. You lifted me from the dooldrums, made me see meaning in my life. You made me see my potential. You made me feel confident. You inspired me to become a better person, not just for me but also for you.

Gigi